This blog is about relationship abuse. Here you will find information, advice, and someone to talk to if you need it.

I have survived an abusive relationship, and I want to use my experience, and the experience of others to help those who seek it. All non-anon conversations are private, so do not hesitate to ask for help or advice if you need it. You can always message me anon, as well, just be aware that the only for me to answer these is publicly.

8th June 2013

Link reblogged from with 124 notes

kitty bitch: Daily reminder →

avrdal:

hobbitdragon:

You can love someone unconditionally and still have a conditional relationship with them. This is not abusive, it does not mean you love them less, and it does not devalue your feelings. This simply means you love yourself too. It’s okay to love someone and not be able to have a relationship with them.

If someone hurts you (intentionally or not), it’s okay the end the relationship. It’s okay to stop speaking to them. Your relationship with someone can have conditions—such as you being treated well—even if your love does not. 

important to remember

Source: hobbitkaiju

20th May 2013

Link reblogged from The Good Lady April with 1,396 notes

All About Male Privilege: Exploring Emotionally Abusive Relationships →

onlinecounsellingcollege:

Characteristics of an emotionally abusive relationship include:

· Using money as a means of control

· Threatening to walk out or abandon you

· Creating fear and anxiety through looks, words, threats and actions

· Destroying things (and…

Source: onlinecounsellingcollege

26th October 2012

Post reblogged from fuck yeah sex education with 337 notes

It feels like such a privilege to not be in an abusive relationship.

fuckyeahsexeducation:

TW: Talk of sexual abuse

dyke-recovery:

I was just standing in the kitchen with Pax after we’d unpacked, Pax decided it was a good time to take the bin out but he fumbled with it all trying to separate the cardboards from the plastics. I was just standing there giggling, he had a laugh too and as he walked out the door with the rubbish, i thought “It feels like such a privilege to not be being hurt right now”.

Then it hit me how fucked up that actually is. Craig (biological father) was abusive towards my mother and i. My mum copped sexual, physical, verbal, emotional and financial abuse, i copped physical, verbal and emotional abuse. We left him when i was 15 and 6-8 months later i was in a relationship with a man and living with him. Then he raped me.  Then there was a drug addicted girlfriend who regularly threw big tantrums and got in fights two years later a girl who said “No i will never try to treat you right….i am committed to being abusive”. I’ve had relationships between these abusive ones that weren’t abusive but they usually also weren’t safe or sane. 

For the first time i am in a relationship where i feel completely respected, loved, accepted, satisfied and happy. I don’t feel afraid of talking in case something i say sets off an angry outburst, i don’t feel afraid that one day during sex he won’t stop, i don’t feel afraid when he runs his hand over the back of my neck, i don’t feel manipulated or lied to, i feel equal. It feels completely new to not be in a loud, shouting, crashing, scary household with a man. This is what it always should have been. This is what is fucking always should be for everyone though namely in this post, i am referring to women.

In America, 25% of women have experienced domestic violence in their life time. 85% of domestic violence victims are women. 

In Australia 40% of all women have experienced violence since the age of 15. Since the age of 15, 33% of women have experienced inappropriate comments about their body or sex life, 25% have experienced unwanted sexual touching and 19% have been stalked.

Historically women have been victimised by someone they knew. So going by these statistics and many many many many many many many many many more, women are pretty fucking lucky not to experience some kind of relationship violence or abuse in their life time, to not be abused in some way really is a fucking privilege.

Yesterday while checking my facebook, i came across a joke (i mean..a “joke”) from an adult comedy page; i’m not going to repeat the joke for not wanting to spread it but it was a rape joke. I saw it and felt myself go red. I saw how many likes it was getting and the “haha” comments and i made a comment calling them out. A few people agreed with me but what i was shocked to see was women were the main people laughing at this joke (or rather the main ones commenting) and defending the joke even though the joke was one made about a violent sexual act being performed against another woman. I felt like i was surrounded by a great pit of social brainwashing. We have been programmed and pushed down so much when it comes to speaking up about and against sexual violence that the very act of raping someone is now a joke. And not just that, but even if the joke had been made and the victim was male, he would be put down for his lack of “masculine” or “manly” response…so he’d be called a pussy or a girl. Now just being female is an insult.

This shouldn’t all be normal. It shouldn’t be expected for a woman or girl to be assaulted. It shouldn’t be an exceptional thing to have a relationship that isn’t abusive. Women shouldn’t be the butt to every insult or degrading, dehumanizing joke. I guess what i want is for people to think about this. Think about what the people around you are saying, what they are doing. Think about what you are saying and doing because from the above statistics, if you’ve met say…10 women, you know at least one woman who has been assaulted or abused. Are you helping create an environment that is supportive, safe, active, fun for everyone or are you telling the rape jokes your sister might get nightmares from? 

Source: dyke-recovery

25th October 2012

Photoset reblogged from Morning is mocking me. SHUT UP with 23,786 notes

shonz:

erdayclassy:

 I came across “Project Unbreakable” when it started in October 2011. it is a simple and powerful project, where survivors of sexual assault hold a poster with a quote from their attacker (and/or reactions from family/friends/judicial system). *Trigger warning for sexual assault, child abuse, secondary trauma*
The founder of the project, Grace Brown, had to hire interns to handle the volume of survivors coming forward with stories across the United States. The fact that “Project Unbreakable” has taken off is both a testament to the strength of survivors and evidence of the pervasiveness of sexual violence.
We need to challenge how shockingly commonplace sexual domination is in our culture.
We need to stop excusing domination, aggression, and sexual entitlement as just part of “boys being boys”.
We need to celebrate boys and men who respect women and go against the grain of “traditional” masculinity.
We need to hear these survivor stories and make them louder and more powerful than the victim-blaming narratives, which persistently shame victims into isolated silence and encourage perpetrators to carry on without consequence.

The first one just broke my heart.

this is intense

Source: resonantbodies

18th October 2012

Video reblogged from 500 random acts of beauty with 73 notes

500randomactsofbeauty:

[trigger warning: abuse]

the 38th random act of beauty: Abuse: Survival Stories - the Light Minded speak on peace, perspective & empowerment

full audio from the event:
http://soundcloud.com/fanceefutwerk/abuse-survival-stories-the

Abuse: Survival Stories Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/539784916048552/

This is absolutely wonderful!

15th September 2012

Question

Anonymous said: Can parents be emotionally abusive?

They absolutely can. The most common forms of abuse from parents are verbal and emotional. 

12th September 2012

Link reblogged from Meteorological Phenomena with 4 notes

tw: rape - Shania Gray Murdered: Franklin Davis Allegedly Kills Teen Scheduled To Testify In Rape Trial →

sherbertsheperton:

By JAMIE STENGLE and NOMAAN MERCHANT 09/10/12 11:23 PM ET

image

CARROLLTON, Texas — A Texas man accused of raping a 16-year-old girl used social media to lure her to a meeting, abduct her from her school and drive her to a river, where he killed her to keep her from testifying against him, police and a family spokeswoman said.

The man insisted in a jailhouse interview Monday that he only wanted to talk to the teen and prove his innocence but said he was overcome by “demons” once they were face-to-face.

Franklin B. Davis, 30, of the Dallas suburb of Irving, was charged with capital murder Sunday in the death of Shania Gray. Gray was last seen alive Thursday afternoon at Hebron High School in nearby Carrollton. Her body was found Saturday in a secluded area near the Trinity River.

Carrollton police say Davis confessed to arranging a meeting with Gray under false pretenses, driving her to a trail near the river and shooting her twice with a .38-caliber pistol. According to an arrest affidavit, Gray fell into the river and called Davis by his nickname: “Why, Wish?”

Davis told police he then stepped on her neck until she stopped breathing, the affidavit said.

Carrollton police spokesman Jon Stovall said in an email that police believe Davis killed Gray because she was about to testify against him.

A spokeswoman for Gray’s family, Sherry Ramsey, told The Dallas Morning News that Gray met Davis when she babysat his two children. Ramsey said that later, after the teen declined many requests to babysit, Gray told her grandmother that Davis had raped her.

The crime was reported to Mesquite police, and Davis was charged with four counts of sexual assault of a child. The trial was scheduled to start next month.

According to an arrest warrant, Davis contacted Gray through social media and pretended to be someone else in an attempt to get information about the sexual assault case. Davis then used a pre-paid cellphone to set up a meeting with Gray at her high school on Thursday.

Davis told WFAA-TV in a jailhouse interview that he tracked Gray down because he wanted to prove his innocence in the sexual assault case.

“I needed to get some kind of evidence, some kind of proof myself to show I did not have sex with her and that she’s lying,” Davis told the television station. He said he didn’t intend to harm Gray but was overcome in the moment.

“I was fighting demons,” Davis told the station. “It was like a different person was in me. It wasn’t me.”

Davis told authorities that Gray was surprised to see him but got into his car when he told her he wanted to talk to her about the sexual assault case. He said he then drove her to the remote area.

Stovall said police believe Gray was killed within an hour after she was picked up.

Karen Permetti, spokeswoman for the Lewisville Independent School District, told The Associated Press that Gray had enrolled at Hebron High School on Wednesday and attended school for two days. She was a junior.

Permetti said district officials weren’t aware of any threats against Gray and heard about her upcoming testimony only after her parents filed a police report Friday.

Davis was being held in the Dallas County Jail on $2 million bail. Attorneys listed for him did not return messages left Monday by The Associated Press.

Hundreds of friends and well-wishers joined Gray’s parents at a candlelight vigil Monday night outside Horn High School in Mesquite, where she previously attended.

KTVT-TV of Dallas and Fort Worth reported that one student was taken to a hospital after her friends said she was crying so hard that she had a seizure.

“This hurts me to my soul,” close friend Janell Brown told the station. “This is the most tragic thing I’ve felt in my young age.”

“Focusing on a man like that, or the likes of a man like that, is not how we want to remember her,” Shelby Holland, Gray’s junior varsity basketball coach at Horn, told KDFW-TV of Dallas and Fort Worth. “We want to spend our time talking about the hugs she was constantly giving out, the wonderful life she held for us while she was here. To see the kind of kid she was and that untapped potential for the kind of woman she would become – it’s just sad to sit here and think, `We’ll never know what kind of great young woman she’d become.’”

The ultimate silencing of a rape victim who was brave enough to testify. This is sick. Completely disgusting. This girl was threatened with death if she told anyone what happened, and she was still courageous enough to speak up. She was going to testify in court, and her rapist killed her to keep her quiet. 

I hope this man is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

29th August 2012

Question

Anonymous said: I can't let go of my past. My dad abused me. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and verbally. I was raped twice. I cut myself. I don't deserve life anymore.

You DO deserve to live. You are a survivor who has endured more than anyone should. You are strong for making it so far, and for having the courage to ask for help.

First, you don’t deserve to hurt because someone else hurt you. You did nothing wrong. Realizing that is the first step to letting go. It won’t take all the pain away, but it will help you feel better about yourself. This truly is not your fault, no matter what your dad or anyone else tells you.

Now, I know cutting is a way people deal with pain, but you are so beautiful. You are beautiful and loved and no one wants to see you in the pain you’re in, and they don’t want to see you harm yourself because of it. 

I’ve pulled some phone numbers for you to call if you need more help, as well as websites to help you along.

These are the phone numbers for the Safe Horizons Organization.

Hotline Phone Numbers

Domestic Violence Hotline:
800.621.HOPE (4673)

Crime Victims Hotline:
866.689.HELP (4357)

Rape & Sexual Assault Hotline:
212.227.3000

TDD phone number for all hotlines:
866.604.5350

Also, this is from the Pandora Project’s page.

US and General Crisis Centers and Hotlines

RAINN - 1-800-656-HOPE: 
If you live in the US, calling this number will connect you to a rape crisis center near you. It is free and confidential. If you want to call a center directly, click here to find rape crisis centers in your area.

RAINN - Online Chat Support: 
RAINN also provides confidential crisis counseling online for rape and sexual abuse survivors in the US and internationally. Please click here for more information. 

Self Injury - 1-800-DON’T-CUT (366-8288) 
S.A.F.E Alternatives

Suicide hotline - 1.800.SUICIDE (784-2433) 
Some rape and sexual abuse victims are depressed, and may think about suicide. If you are feeling suicidal, read this first. 

Emotional Support 
The Samaritans provide confidential 24 hour emotional support by email or phone (for UK and Ireland residences). The support is for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which may lead to suicide (but you don’t have to feel suicidal to call). They are there if “you’re worried about something, feel upset or confused, or you just want to talk to someone.” 

The Gay & Lesbian National Hotline - 1-800-THE-GLNH 

Gay and lesbian hotline website 

Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 
Spousal Rape & Partner Rape Help

Men’s Domestic Abuse Helpline - 1-888-HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)
Website of the Men’s Domestic Abuse Helpline

International Crisis Centers and Hotlines

RAINN’s List of International Resources

Canada
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Australia
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

England
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Scotland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Wales
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Republic of Ireland (Eire)
Sexual Assault Domestic Violence | Suicide

Northern Ireland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

New Zealand
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Europe
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

They can help you far more than I can. *hugs*

We’re rooting for you. Don’t give up. We are called survivors for a reason. We were and are strong enough to keep going, even when things are tough.

18th August 2012

Post reblogged from Neurolove.me with 7,887 notes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

psych-facts:

From: http://onlinecounsellingcollege.tumblr.com/


1.    The Constant Victim - This kind of individual will always finds a way to end up as a victim in their relationships.


2.    One-Upmanship Expert – This person uses put downs, snide remarks and criticisms, to show that they’re superior, and know much more than you.


3.    Powerful Dependents – They hide behind the mask of being weak and powerless – then use their helplessness to dominate relationships. That is, they send the subtle message “you must not let me down.”


4.    Triangulators – This person tries to get other people on their side. They’re quick to put you down, and to say some nasty things. They separate good friends or drive a wedge in families.


5.    The Blasters – They blast you with their anger or they blow up suddenly. That stops you asking questions - in case there’s a showdown.

Read More

15th August 2012

Post reblogged from Neurolove.me with 810 notes

Do you struggle with feeling unloved?

onlinecounsellingcollege:

You are likely to struggle with feeling unloved when a parent, or your partner:

· Is distant, cold, detached, withdrawn, unable or unwilling to demonstrate love, or is emotionally unavailable to you.

· Discounts your thoughts, opinions and viewpoints, or is consistently negative, and puts you down.

· Has outbursts of anger, is accusatory, blaming, judgmental, attacking, aggressive, mean or is controlling or abusive.

· Ignores, or refuses to discuss any problems, and isn’t interested in conflict resolution.

· Shuts you out and creates barriers with the TV, phone, laptop, work, activities, sports, or any addiction that is ruling their life.

· Doesn’t care about how their actions or their words make you feel.

In contrast to this, you are likely to feel loved, confident and secure when:

· They care about your feelings, how well you are doing, and the way their behavior affects you, personally.

· They want to understand how you think and feel, and what your different views and opinions are.

· They want to strengthen your shared relationship by changing those behaviours that upset you.

· They are sensitive and caring when they know that you are struggling with loneliness, rejection, sadness or pain.

· They seek to connect with you emotionally … and allow you to speak … and they listen carefully to what you have to say.

· Even in conflict, they want your highest good - and they’re not self-centred and focused on themselves.

Source: onlinecounsellingcollege